If you asked me what the hardest part of ADHD mum life is, I probably wouldn’t say the forgetfulness.

I wouldn’t say the lost keys.

Or the half-finished cups of tea.

Or even the constant distractions.

I’d say it’s the mental load.

The constant thinking.

The constant remembering.

The constant feeling that if you stop holding everything together for five minutes, something important will fall through the cracks.

And honestly? It’s exhausting.

What Is the Mental Load?

The mental load is all the invisible work happening inside your head.

It’s remembering the school trip form.

Knowing the milk is running low.

Remembering your child needs trainers for PE tomorrow.

Keeping track of appointments.

Thinking about dinner while eating lunch.

Remembering birthdays.

Remembering to remind other people.

Most mums carry a mental load.

But when you have ADHD, it can feel like you’re carrying that load while your brain is simultaneously throwing random thoughts, distractions, and reminders at you all day long.

My Brain Never Stops Talking

Some mornings I wake up and within seconds my brain is already listing things.

Things I need to do.

Things I forgot yesterday.

Things I should have done last week.

Things I need to remember next month.

It’s like opening twenty browser tabs before I’ve even got out of bed.

And every single tab thinks it’s the most important one.

By the time I’ve made breakfast, I already feel mentally tired.

The Things Nobody Sees

People see the things that get done.

They see the school run.

The packed lunches.

The work being completed.

The appointments being attended.

What they don’t see is the amount of thinking required to make those things happen.

The reminders.

The lists.

The alarms.

The constant self-checking.

The mental gymnastics involved in remembering everyday life.

Sometimes it feels like having a full-time job running inside my own head.

Why ADHD Makes the Mental Load Feel Heavier

One thing I’ve learned is that ADHD isn’t just about attention.

It’s also about managing information.

Filtering information.

Prioritising information.

And sometimes my brain struggles to decide what matters most.

So everything feels important.

Everything feels urgent.

Everything wants attention right now.

That’s why a simple to-do list can sometimes feel overwhelming instead of helpful.

The Guilt That Comes With It

For years I thought everyone else was handling life better than I was.

I thought they were remembering things naturally while I was relying on lists and alarms.

I thought needing extra support meant I wasn’t organised enough.

Now I see it differently.

My alarms aren’t a weakness.

My planner isn’t a weakness.

My reminders aren’t a weakness.

They’re tools that help me manage a brain that works differently.

What Helps Me Carry Less

I’ve realised that my goal isn’t to remember everything.

It’s to stop expecting myself to remember everything.

So now I:

  • Write things down immediately
  • Use alarms for important tasks
  • Keep routines simple
  • Accept that I will forget things sometimes
  • Give myself permission to be imperfect

Because the truth is, trying to hold everything in my head was never working anyway.

If You’re Feeling Mentally Exhausted

If you’re an ADHD mum feeling overwhelmed, there is a good chance you’re carrying far more than people realise.

The mental load is real.

The exhaustion is real.

And just because other people can’t see it doesn’t mean it isn’t hard.

So if today feels heavy, give yourself some credit.

You’re doing more than you think.

And you’re probably carrying more than anyone else can see.

Looking for More Support?

The free library is a great place to start, but if you’d like access to the full collection of planners, business tools, templates and printables, you can join the Simply Sasha membership for £3.99 per month.

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